Mafia Gazette Past Issue 38
Friday 30th September 'SHADOW SOLDIERS MURDER MADE MAN ' Earlier on today, newly Made Possessed was fatally wounded in a shanking incident in jail. The fatal blow was dealt by a Shadow Soldier, apparently as retribution for the killing of their ex-leader, Relapsed. Over time, and even after the Commission was set up, the Shadow Soldiers have been targeting the Mystery Men, although this latest attack was misdirected, as Possessed only had loose affiliations with the group after setting up his own crew. Possessed was an active Boss, well-respected by all who knew him and many attended his funeral, laying flowers and leaving messages of condolence and respect. The man who orchestrated the killing, WiseMan was shot down shortly before the newspaper was sent for printing. 'UNDERGROUND KINGS REMOVED FROM THRONE ' Last night saw the appearance and disappearance of a small underground group named the Underground Kings. Their targets: The Mystery Men and their affiliates, namely, The Commission. The Gazette contacted the spokesman for this group, John_Lennon, descendant of the late JC_Faulks to ask why the war was being waged. A representative of the Mystery Men also contacted him for the same reason. His act was one of vengeance against a wrong he felt had been visited on his late father. His father had set up a bar in Detroit, deep in the heart of Mystery Men territory without contacting them to find out if he was permitted to do so. This was seen as a great disrespect to the Mystery Men, and Faulks was killed. Lennon swore vengeance for his fathers death, and came to the streets, calling the Mystery Men out. In the interview he stated that they killed for no reasons and would just kill all the bosses. His plan was to take out the Mystery Men and all the bosses associated with them. When asked what his justification was for such a move, an action which he had already condemned his adversaries for, he could not reply. Following talks with the Gazette and Mystery Men, John_Lennon withdrew his declaration of war. 'FAKES ATTEMPT TO DISCREDIT LEADERS ' By: Biggles At a quarter to four yesterday afternoon, shots were heard in the streets of New York as a small cell of hoodlums wearing stolen Mystery Men uniforms descended on the city to carry out a mission to take out the Street Boss of The Priesthood, Paulo_gismondo. The attack started as Paulo left the city’s bank with 1.8 million in bearer bonds in his briefcase. The cell, positioned themselves around the area to carry out the attack, unnoticed by those who were passing by at the time. Chaos soon ensued as one of the gang leapt into action snatching the briefcase and making off in a waiting car. A second attacker then moved in to work Paulo over with a baseball bat before searching his pockets for any other items of value in his possession, stepping back cursing at the lack of booty and indicating to the third man of the team to proceed with the next phase of the attack. A gun was drawn and aimed at the recovering Paulo as he hobbled down the street to his driver parked a short distance away. The Street Boss had just ducked into the back seat as shots rang out to the dismay of those standing nearby. Paulo escaped shaken but apparently unhurt by the gunfire. The Gazette later gained an interview with one of the team who stated, “He is a Street Boss and is close to being made. We are trying to keep it so only members of the Commission become Made.” The informant, StabbingPeopleIsFun was later found dead with a double tap gunshot wound to the head across town. A spokesman for the Commission has stepped forward to denounce the attempted hit and was quoted as saying “StabbingPeopleIsFun was not acting on the orders of the Commission nor was he a part of it. The Commission is not about keeping others outside the Commission from ranking.” The bodies of the other members of the trio, Camel-Toe and OhYeahThatsGood were later discovered in a nearby back alley surrounded by the proceeds of an apparent mugging spree in the city. 'NEWS IN BRIEF – MUGGING IN MIAMI ' Dash Spikely reporting Mugging rates increases in Miami. Police Sergeant, Duncan Inmacofee released the latest crime statistics to assembled reporters today. He also said, killing in self-defence is up as well. When asked if they had any leads, he stated it appears a couple of inbred families have set up shop in the city. Each time a mugger is vanquished another appears seemingly out of the woodwork. Which is understandable since a block of wood appears to have the equivalent IQ as the mugging families. Further detail will be reported as the police release more information. 'MILITARY-INSPIRED BOSS OPENS DOORS TO BAR ' By: Emilia Moonshine opened the doors to his new bar yesterday, inviting those looking for a home to join his family, The Regiment. While this may seem fairly commonplace, he also included some indication on how his family would be structured and specifically, what he was looking for in future members and what will be done with them. "They are firstly, all volunteers and are then toughened by hard physical training," said Moonshine. "As a result they have that infectious optimism and that offensive eagerness which comes from physical well being. They have endured the worst imaginable and by doing so have conquered fear." Reminiscent of boot camp, it is confusing how this new leader intends to accomplish such a rigorous training schedule with the typical resources at the hands of the typical street boss. Many criminals have only the dangerous streets and their wits to train them. However, it is refreshing to see a crew concept, which combines the discipline of structure and strength of the individual soul. Spirituality is an aspect often left neglected in modern times, and it seems that Moonshine is making an active show of this faith with his family's prayer: "May the defence of the most high be above and beneath, around and within us, in our going out and our coming in, in our rising up and in our going down, all our days and all our nights, until the dawn with the Sun of Righteousness shall arise with healing in his wings for the peoples of the world. Through Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen." Only time will show if Moonshine's ideas will reach fruition, and if his members will maintain the standard he has set for them. "Whenever Regiment is seen on the streets, it at once inspires confidence, for its members are known to be good men/women and true." 'LETTERS TO THE EDITOR ' Dear Carmela, I talk to dozens of people a day and yet time and time again it amazes me how stupid some of them are. What ever happened to Darwinism? Where the strongest survive and the weak and stupid die off? Why cant just the stupid Die off? Today, I made a witty comment about someone’s business card and first they didn’t understand. Then I explained and got a very intelligent "AHAHAHAHA UR FUNNY" and yet, this man has been on our streets since the start. How do they manage? Do they hide in caves and rob and steal all day with out saying a word to anyone? Or do the stupid group together have conversations that anyone with half a brain wouldn't understand because the sheer stupidity of it all? When are we going to stop shooting the people who are Trying in this world and just start shooting the ones who, in my eyes, are too stupid to live? Yours Always and Forever, Cooter J. Poo 'ANNOUNCEMENTS ' IMPENDING BIRTHS: Natatia, daughter of Merc and Mrs Merc, wife of JimRat2 is proud to announce the upcoming birth of her first child. Blessed by Saint Anne, the child was conceived during their Honeymoon. 'WE HEAR THAT… ' Gossip column by: Trixie ....carmineGotti was seen on the streets today for the first time in a month. He was screaming at himself and trying to hit himself in the face. After someone insulted him he ran back home to his parents basement and cried himself to sleep on his bare mattress. ....Santa-Clause was overheard telling someone about how he cooks his reindeer for dinner. He said that this year there would be no presents and that he was so F'in sick of those snot nosed brats that everyone’s getting anthrax in their stockings. 'CLASSIFIEDS ' Anyone wishing to place an ad should send it in to CarmelaDeAngelis at the Gazette Offices in Chicago. All ads are free, but must still fall within the set guidelines. 16:37, January 5, 2013 (UTC)16:37, January 5, 2013 (UTC)16:37, January 5, 2013 (UTC)Hice19 (talk) 16:37, January 5, 2013 (UTC) *~Horse For Sale~* Good Earner For Sale Bad Engine 1,000,000 Price : Open For Discussion Contact Buckshot ... 16:37, January 5, 2013 (UTC)16:37, January 5, 2013 (UTC)16:37, January 5, 2013 (UTC)Hice19 (talk) 16:37, January 5, 2013 (UTC) ** Horses for sale ** 1 Hurricane Maniac $325,000 2 Clumsy Sam $325,000 3 Muddy Sneak $525,000 4 Naked Whiskey $325,000 And the cheapest horse in this world: 5 Undercover WitchCraft $99,500!!!!! All these horses have been reduced for a quick sale. Discounts offered for multi-buys. No reasonable offer not considered!! MobMail me: JohnDavidson2 16:37, January 5, 2013 (UTC)16:37, January 5, 2013 (UTC)16:37, January 5, 2013 (UTC)Hice19 (talk) 16:37, January 5, 2013 (UTC) mrevilman is back and is intending to bring the old mafia back as well. Tell them he was a myth - a legend in the old days unbeatable and ever so powerful. He had thousands of bodyguards and even put a hit of 1,000,000$ on HIMSELF which turned out to be the smartest protection trick known to this day. 16:37, January 5, 2013 (UTC)16:37, January 5, 2013 (UTC)16:37, January 5, 2013 (UTC)Hice19 (talk) 16:37, January 5, 2013 (UTC) 'Anyone wishing to submit articles should do so by 10am Mafia time on the day of publications. Articles will be paid for on an individual basis. Please contact CarmelaDeAngelis, Editor of The Mafia Gazette, at the Gazette Offices, Chicago. All articles must conform to the guidelines available in the booklet “Newspaper Recruiting” available on the newsstand. ' http://pvp.a.mafia.org/gazette.php?issue=47